Well I have to say I did not expect this in any way!! I just finished watching 12 Years A slave for the first time. I had been resistant to watching it since it came out. I did not want to go into the pain of slavery again through the eyes of another film. Everyone I have watched showed me the inhumanity of that time and the horror of life for the “slaves”. I wanted to hide.
What came up for me, as the main character was rescued by men from his town, was a deep sense of relief, freedom and liberation from his circumstances. In that moment I was struck with the similarities in my own life. Of course I was not physically tortured and degraded. But the emotional toll that I levied on myself, through worshipping my core wounds, where not that far off from the darkness that the character experienced on the physical plane.
The feelings of “not being good enough, worthy, capable, lovable and may other self-deprecating feelings held me in a place of my own personal slavery. Feelings that are consistently reinforced through the media, governments, even friends and family. Most of which have no idea they are actually playing a role in our inner psyche’s health…or do they? I am sure may friends and family do not but the other two I am suspect of and I will leave that piece here and get back to my own unfolding.
So there I was sitting in my trailer watching this beaten man become free again. Tears streaming down my face as I contemplated my own emotional freedom. A freedom from my own thoughts. A freedom from the inner game of cat and mouse I have played with myself. A freedom from fear based motivators to “get me to do things”, many of which I did not want to do. Many of which I felt I needed to do to satiate the media demon living inside my head.
In that moment I felt his elation! I felt the emotions that turned the tears of joy for him into gut releasing tears of gratitude for me. The endless chatter of what is right, wrong or indifferent was now being witnessed not acted upon. The endless thoughts were allowed to move through rather than being held fast to as I created stories around them to ease the pain and fear that they elicited. This was the taming of the ego!
This Ego has attempted to keep me safe and pain free for as long as I can remember. It was there when my sister ran away from home. It was there when my Grandma died then my mother 6 months later. It has attempted to keep the little boy safe for most of my life. He was certainly needed and did the best he could through that time. His services are commended and now he can take a much needed break and dissolve into the higher self. As consciousness of my being overtakes reaction from the wounds. This is truly freedom. A Freedom I wish for everyone to experience.
If you would like to start down this road or need a little help righting your ship along your awareness journey. I am here to offer help. Help that does not involve fear based motivators or stern accountability. But help that occurs from a co-creative process that I developed call Creationship. Creationship is exactly what the two words tied together represent. Creation and relationship. Through the deepening of our relationship, creation occurs. Through well placed questions and deep listening and understanding. If you would like to take me up on a free 30-45 min offer and see if we are a mesh than I encourage you to do so.
The world is waiting for your gifts.