A Longing….

As I saw this piece of art many images came up in me. I saw too fragile, broken people unwilling to engage with each other. Yet at a deep level all they really desire is connection. Connection in a place of non judgment, non seeking and non doing. In a place of being at-one-ment (atonement). Atonement came from Latin around unity and uniting. This is what I believe all souls are here to do. This is the underlying draw that pulls us forward and ultimately can keep us disconnected for fear of not getting what we want. And worse yet, believing that we will not being what the other person wants.

This fear is common and resides in all of us. It is used by many to control us. Religion uses it so we conform or be “cast out”. Media uses it to get us to buy or feel we need something or we will feel “less than or unworthy”. Governments use this to control the masses through fear of imaginary enemies, “code yellow” “be wary or you will die”. This runs rampant through our system and keeps all of us at bay.

From a deep place we desire connection with others and fear of that keeps us alone. Studies have proven that it is not drugs that people are addicted to but the lack of connection with others that drove them to it. Studies of rats proved the theory that connection was much more desired than opiates, unless isolation was involved. Then the opiates were consumed and eventually killed the rats. Sounds kinda familiar when I look at the lives of addicts I have known.

Looking at the little girl and boy inside of us this, to me, is our soul. Wanting to connect to each other from a place of curiosity, unconditional love and acceptance. Society changes that. It slowly strips our curiosity away and replaces it with fear. Tears unconditional love away and replaces it with more conditions than you can shale a stick at! And, dissolves acceptance into judgments.

Curiosity may be restored when we realize that there is nothing to be afraid of. That fear really is False Evidence Appearing Real. When I look into the future, and fear leaning into the unknown to keep myself safe, that is when another layer of my curiosity is striped away. In order to rebuild it I need to rebuild myself from the inside out. My fears about being rejected, not loved and somehow not enough, have kept me stagnant and numbing for years. When I learned to embrace that false reality as a piece of me, things started to unravel. As I took each piece, with the help of a coach, mentor and confidant, I was able to see how I was making it all up. Making it al up based on old wounds from my past. Wounds my ego mind built walls around to keep me safe.

As I write this last paragraph I see that the answer to my lack of curiosity is the answer to all the issues I named, unconditional love and also acceptance. For at the core of these symptoms of not connecting with myself are the feelings of unworthiness and not being enough. The core wound that all of humanity holds.

This work is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to stand in the face of your beliefs and love them. Even when those beliefs are fucken nauseating! Those pieces of yourself that have lived in shadow for most of your life. The pieces that leak out and cause your relationships, with others and yourself, to suffer. The false beliefs that you are some how lacking something and when you get it everything will be alright. This I call, “When I Have Then I’ll Be”. What a awful place to reside. I know, I have spent allot of my life living there.

If you would like to start your own journey back to self I am willing to walk with you. It will be messy at times, but I assure your the rewards will outweigh the fear of stepping into this.

Reach out, I am here to serve…


Love All-ways,


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